A husband and wife love to golf together, but

Abraham wanted a

| Humor jokes

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit. Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This

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My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs

| Rabbit jokes

My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I'm positive he isn't. How do you know he isn't? Because I am.

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What do Scottish owls sing?

| Bird jokes

What do Scottish owls sing? Owld Lang Syne.

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Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called

| Clinton jokes

Q: Why is Bill Clinton's economic plan called positively atheist? A: Because it hasn't got a prayer.

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What does an octopus take on a camping

| Various animal jokes

What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!

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A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks the man. “Hold the club gently,” the pro replied, “just like you’d hold your wife’s breast.”The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can’t wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, “No, no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard.” “What can I do?” asks the wife.”Hold the club gently, just like you’d hold your husband’s penis.” The wife listens carefully to the pro’s advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. “That was great,”the pro says. “Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you’re supposed to!” says the pro.