Category: Salesmen jokes

Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here’s got room in their houses for a mammoth.

No, no, no! said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. “I cannot see you today!” “That’s fine,” said the salesman, “I’m selling spectacles.”

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things — burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery. He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, “I hope you’ll be very happy there.”

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, “My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?”

A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, “Wait, Fellow! Please don’t do that !!!” The salesman said, “Why not ?” and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. “Look at it this way sir.” he said finally. “How would your wife carry on if you should die ?” “Well…” drawled the weather-beaten man, “I don’t reckon that’d be any concern of mine — long as she behaves herself while I’m alive.”

The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, “This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars.”

Insurance agent to would-be client: “Don’t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out. Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes. Then I asked her ‘why ?’ She replied, ‘Because I love you’.”