First witch: My beauty
| Beauty jokes
First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.
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If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get?
| Cat jokes
If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award.
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Then there was the Puerto
| Idiot and fool jokes
Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.
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I don't think my Mom knows much about
| Bed jokes
I don't think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!
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Why do actors like snooker
| Movie and TV jokes
Why do actors like snooker halls? Because that's where they get their best cues.
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A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it “Hi Mr. Lion!” The other said, “Where did you get the gorilla suit?” The lion, rather frustrated, asks, “How did you know I was a lion?” The eagles then started to sing, “You can’t hide your lion eyes”.