Do you know how to catch a squirrel?

How do snails get their shells all

| Various animal jokes

How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.

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The local bar was so sure

| Bar jokes, beer, booze and fun!

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

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Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting

| Bird jokes

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"? Short John Silver!

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A young guy in a two-engine fighter was

| Aviation jokes

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better." The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot."

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One day a wife complained, "This wall clock

| Humor jokes

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

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Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!