Warning to shoplifters: Anyone
| Police jokes
Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
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My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion.
| Beauty jokes
My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.
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Auntie Gladys
| Car and train jokes
Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. 'Oh, Gladys,' said her friend, 'you've lost your engine! 'Never mind dear,' said auntie.
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Two deaf
| Dirty jokes
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to
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Where was the Magna Carta signed ?
| History jokes
Where was the Magna Carta signed ? At the bottom !
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A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. A friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles.” “She did,” he replied. “But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?”