Did you hear someone has invented a
| Dead and dying jokes
Did you hear someone has invented a coffin that just covers the head? It's for people like you who're dead from the neck up!
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Doctor, Doctor I think I need
| Doctor and nurse jokes
Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
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Hello, police? Please send an officer over
| Telephone jokes
Hello, police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry, this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well, in that case, please send over a pastrami sandwich!
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Two deaf
| Dirty jokes
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to
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Tower: Cannot read you, say again!
| Aviation jokes
Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!
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On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I’ll kick you”. The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”