Category: Political jokes

When toasting the holidays, Republicans ask for eggnog or mulled wine. Democrats ask for a “Bud.”

Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning.

Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws.

Republicans help the poor during the holidays by sending 50, one buck at a time, to panhandlers on the street.

Republicans say “Merry Christmas!” Democrats say “Happy Holidays!”

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.” “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it.” “This is my final position, and I will not compromise!”

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: “What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked. “Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer. “What do you do?” lawyer asked. “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say ‘the devil is the father of liars,’ but instead I said ‘the devil is the father of lawyers,’ so I let it go,” minister replied.

QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race. ANSWER: The American people.

QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.