Category Archives: Lawyer jokes

The bartender asks him “What’ll you have?”. The guy answers, “A scotch, please”. The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars”, to which he replies “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for … Continue reading →

If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?’

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, decided to try a trick. … Continue reading →

A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” she asked. “The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor.

Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don’t you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.

How can I ever thank you? gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” lawyer replied, “Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question.”

A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, “Don’t worry – we have plenty of those where I … Continue reading →

Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case.

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear? Lawsuits.