Category: Children jokes

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.
He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.”
The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?”
The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.”

On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. ‘Be still, my heart,’ thought my friend, ‘my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps! Then the child spoke to the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages. “Mommy, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered: “It’s Adam’s clothes!!!!!”

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.” Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,”I’m Janey Sugarbrown.” The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,”Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?” With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, “I thought I was, but Mommy says I’m not.”

A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride’s side and the groom’s side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and he was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed back his tears and said, “I was being the ring bear.”

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused? Because their daddies were mummies.

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Davy, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Alice, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?” “Errr.., it goes.. click!”

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

After the baby was baptized, her four-year-old brother was crying inconsolably in the back seat of the car. “What’s the matter Johnny?” asked his concerned mother. Johnny replied: “that man said that he hoped our baby would be raised in a good Christian home…I just want her to stay with you guys.”

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard. “I always knew God would take care of us,” said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home. “I like to hear you say that,” beamed the mother. “Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us.” “Oh, I wasn’t talking about THAT God,” the five year old interrupted. “I was talking about the COAST God.”