Ive never flown before, said the
Ive never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. You will bring me down safely, won’t you? “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!”
Archive for the 'Aviation jokes' Category
After an overnight flight to meet my father
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me — all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. [...]
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport,
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, “Wait Please.” To which Laloo replied, “65 kgs,” and moved on.
Stewardess”
Stewardess” “Yes, Sir?” “I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.” “Captain, shut up and land the plane.”
A woman called and said, “I need to fly to
A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”
A small twin-prop
A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions. There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist. The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why [...]
A husband suspects his wife is having an
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it–until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: “Honey, I’ve told you once, I’ve told you twice, I’ve told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair …”
ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?
ATC: “Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? ” Cessna: “To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.” ATC: “I meant in the next five minutes not years.”
On a flight
On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart from the noise, a number of [...]
Flight 1234, are you
Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions? “Center, make that request on the next frequency….”